New York, November
30, 1998
I suppose it is commonplace to say it, but it’s true: there is no
such thing as time. The past is gone and no longer exists, the
future is an assumption that has not yet come, all you have is the
moment — this one — but it too has passed . . . just now. The moment
we are having is an awfully good one, though. History has handed us
one of the easiest rides in all the story of man. It has handed us a
wave of wealth so broad and deep that it would be almost
disorientating if we thought about it a lot, which we don’t.
But: we know such comfort! We sleep on beds that are soft and
supporting, eat food that is both good and plentiful. We touch small
levers and heat our homes to exactly the degree we desire; the pores
of our bare arms are open and relaxed as we read The Times in
our T-shirts, while two feet away, on the other side of the
plate-glass window, a blizzard rages. We turn levers and get clean
water, push a button for hot coffee, open doors and get ice-cream,
take short car trips to places where planes wait before whisking us
across continents as we nap. It is all so fantastically fine.
Lately this leaves me uneasy. Does it you? Do you wonder how and
why exactly we have it so different, so nice compared with thousands
of years of peasants eating rocks? Is it possible that we, the
people of the world, are being given a last great gift before
everything changes? To me it feels like a gift. Only three
generations ago, my family had to sweat in the sun to pull food from
the ground.
Another thing. The marvels that are part of our everyday lives —
computers, machines that can look into your body and see everything
but your soul — are so astounding that most of us who use them don’t
really understand exactly what they’re doing or how they do it. This
too is strange. The day the wheel was invented, the crowd watching
understood immediately what it was and how it worked. But I cannot
explain with any true command how the MRI that finds a tumour works.
Or how, for that matter, the fax machine works.
We would feel amazement, or even, again, a mild disorientation,
if we were busy feeling and thinking long thoughts instead of doing
— planning the next meeting, appointment, consultation,
presentation, vacation. We are too busy doing these things to take
time to see, feel, parse and explain amazement.
Which gets me to time.
We have no time! Is it that way for you? Everyone seems so busy.
Once, a few years ago, I sat on the Spanish Steps in Rome. Suddenly
I realised that everyone, all the people going up and down the
steps, was hurrying along on his or her way somewhere. I thought,
everyone is doing something. On the streets of Manhattan, they hurry
along and I think, everyone is busy. I don’t think I’ve seen anyone
amble, except at a summer place, in a long time. I am thinking here
of a man I saw four years ago at a little pier in Martha’s Vineyard.
He had plaid shorts and white legs, and he was walking sort of
stiffly, jerkily. Maybe he had mild Parkinson’s disease, but I
think: maybe he has just arrived and is trying to get out of his
sprint and into a stroll.
All our splendour, our comfort, takes time to pay for. And
affluence wants to increase; it carries within it an unspoken
command: more! Affluence is like nature, which always moves toward
new life. Nature does its job; affluence enlists us to do it. We
hear the command for “More!” with immigrant ears that also hear “Do
better!” or old American ears that hear “Sutter is rich, there’s
gold in them thar hills, onward to California!” We carry California
within us; that is what it is to be human, and American.
So we work. The more you have, the more you need, the more you
work and plan. This is odd in part because of all the spare time we
should have. We don’t, after all, have to haul water from the
“crick”. We don’t have to kill an antelope for dinner. I can
microwave a Lean Cuisine meal in four minutes and eat it in five. I
should have a lot of extra time — more, say, than a cavewoman. And
yet I feel I do not. And I think: that cavewoman watching the
antelope turn on the spit, she was probably happily day-dreaming
about how shadows played on the walls of her cave. She had time.
It’s not just work. We all know the applications of Parkinson’s
Law, that work expands to fill the time allotted to complete it.
This isn’t new. But this is: so many of us feel we have no time to
cook and serve a lovely three-course dinner, to write the long,
thoughtful letter, to tutor ever so patiently the child. But other
generations, not so long ago, did. And we have more time-saving
devices than they did. We invented new technologies so that work
could be done more efficiently and quickly. We wished it done more
quickly so we could have more leisure time. (Wasn’t that the plan?
Or was it to increase our productivity?) But we have less leisure
time, it seems, because these technologies encroach on our leisure
time.
You can be beeped on safari! Be faxed while riding an elephant
and receive e-mail while being menaced by a tiger. And if you can
be beeped on safari, you will be beeped on safari. This
gives you less time to enjoy being away from the demands of time.
Twenty years ago, when I was starting out at CBS on the radio
desk, we would try each day to track down our roving foreign
correspondents and get them to file on the phone for our morning
news broadcasts. I would go to the daily log to see who was where.
And not infrequently it would say that Smith, in Beirut, is “out of
pocket”, ie, unreachable, unfindable for a few days. The official
implication was that Smith was out in the field travelling with the
guerrillas. But I thought it was code for “Smith is drunk”, or
“Smith is on deep background with a really cute source”. I’d think,
Oh, to be an out-of-pocket correspondent on the loose in Cairo,
Jerusalem, Paris — what a thing.
But now there is no “out of pocket”. Now everyone can be reached
and found, anywhere, anytime. Now there is no hiding place. We are
“in the pocket”.
What are we in the pocket of? An illusion, perhaps, or rather
many illusions: that we must know the latest, that we must have a
say, that we are players, are needed, that the next score will
change things, that through work we can quench our thirst, that, as
they said in the sign over the entrance to Auschwitz, “Work Brings
Freedom”. That we must bow to “More!” and pay homage to California.
I live a life of only average intensity, and yet by 9pm I am quite
stupid, struck dumb with stimuli fatigue. I am tired from ten hours
of the unconscious strain of planning, meeting, talking, thinking.
If you clench your fist for ten hours and then let go, your hand
will jerk and tremble. My brain trembles.
I sit on the couch at night with my son. He watches TV as I read
the National Enquirer and the Star. This is wicked of
me, I know, but the Enquirer and the Star have almost
more pictures than words; there are bright pictures of movie stars,
of television anchors, of the woman who almost choked to death when,
in a state of morning confusion, she accidentally put spermicidal
jelly on her toast. These stories are just right for the mind that
wants to be diverted by something that makes no demands.
I have time at nine. But I am so flat-lined that I find it hard
to make the heartening phone call to the nephew, to write the long
letter. Often I feel guilty and treat myself with Häagen-Dazs
therapy. I will join a gym if I get time.
When a man can work while at home, he will work while at home.
When a man works at home, the wall between workplace and living
place, between colleague and family, is lowered or removed. Does
family life spill over into work life? No. Work life spills over
into family life. You do not wind up taking your son for a walk at
work, you wind up teleconferencing during softball practice. This is
not progress. It is not more time but less. Maybe our kids will
remember us as there but not there, physically present but carrying
the faces of men and women who are strategising the sale.
I often think how much I’d like to have a horse. Not that I ride,
but I often think I’d like to learn. But if I had a horse, I would
be making room for the one hour a day in which I would ride. I would
be losing hours seeing to Flicka’s feeding and housing and cleaning
and loving and overall wellbeing. This would cost money. I would
have to work hard to get it. I would have less time.
Who could do this? The rich. The rich have time because they buy
it. They buy the grooms and stable keepers and accountants and bill
payers and negotiators for the price of oats. Do they enjoy it? Do
they think, it’s great to be rich, I get to ride a horse? Oh, I hope
so! If you can buy time, you should buy it. This year I am going to
work very hard to get some.
DURING the summer, when you were a kid, your dad worked a few
towns away and left at 8:30; your mum stayed home smoking and
talking and ironing. You biked to the local schoolyard for summer
activities — twirling, lanyard-making, dodgeball — until afternoon.
Then you’d go home and play in the street. At 5:30 Dad was home and
at six there was dinner — meatloaf, mashed potatoes and tinned corn.
Then TV and lights out.
Now it’s more like this: Dad goes to work at 6:15, to the city,
where he is an executive; Mum goes to work at the bank, where she’s
a vice-president, but not before giving the sitter the keys and
bundling the kids into the car to go to, respectively, soccer camp,
arts camp, Chinese lessons, therapy, the swim meet, computer camp, a
birthday party, a play date. Then home for an impromptu barbecue of
turkey burgers and a salad with fresh Parmesan cheese followed by
summer homework, Nintendo and TV — the kids lying splayed on the
couch, dead eyed, like denizens of a Chinese opium den — followed by
“Hi Mum”, “Hi, Dad”, and bed.
Life is so much more interesting now! It’s not boring, like 1957.
There are things to do: the culture is broader, more sophisticated;
there’s more wit and creativity to be witnessed and enjoyed. Mums,
kids and dads have more options, more possibilities. This is good.
The bad news is that our options leave us exhausted when we pursue
them and embarrassed when we don’t.
Good news: mothers do not become secret Valium addicts out of
boredom and loneliness, as they did 30 and 40 years ago. And Dad’s
conversation is more interesting than his father’s. He knows how
Michael Jordan acted on the Nike shoot, and tells us. The other
night Dad worked late and then they all went to a celebratory dinner
at Rao’s, where they sat in a booth next to Warren Beatty, who was
discussing with his publicist the media campaign for
Bulworth. Beatty looked great, had a certain watchful
dignity, ordered the vodka penne.
Bad news: Mum hasn’t noticed but she’s half mad from stress. Her
face is older than her mother’s, less innocent, because she has
burnt through her facial subcutaneous fat and because she
unconsciously holds her jaw muscles in a tense way. But it’s OK
because the collagen, the Botox, the Retin-A and alpha hydroxy, and
a better diet than her mother’s (Grandma lived on starch, it was the
all-carbo diet) leave her looking more . . . fit. She does not have
her mother’s soft, maternal weight. The kids do not feel a pillowy
yielding when they hug her; they feel muscles and smell Chanel body
moisturiser.
When Mother makes fund-raising calls for the school, she does not
know it but she barks: “Yeah, this is Claire Marietta on the cookie
drive we need your cookies tomorrow at three in the gym if you’re
late the office is open till four or you can write a check for $12
any questions call me.” Click.
Mum never wanted to be Barbara Billingsley (who played a sitcom
mother in the Fifties and Sixties). Mum got her wish.
WHAT WILL happen? How will the future play out? Well, we’re going
to get more time. But it’s not pretty how it will happen, so if
you’re in a good mood, stop reading here and go hug the kids and
relax and have a drink and a nice pointless conversation with your
spouse.
Here goes: it has been said that when an idea’s time has come a
lot of people are likely to get it at the same time. In the same
way, when something begins to flicker out there in the cosmos a
number of people, a small group at first, begin to pick up the
signals. They start to see what’s coming.
Our entertainment industry, interestingly enough, has plucked
something from the unconscious of a small collective. For about 30
years now, but accelerating quickly, the industry has been telling
us about The Big Terrible Thing. Space aliens come and scare us,
nuts with nukes try to blow us up.
This is not new: in the 1950s Michael Rennie came from space to
tell us in The Day the Earth Stood Still that if we don’t
become more peaceful, our planet will be obliterated. But now in
movies the monsters aren’t coming close, they’re hitting us
directly. Meteors the size of Texas come down and take out the
eastern seaboard, volcanoes swallow Los Angeles, Martians blow up
the White House. The biggest grosser of all time was about the end
of a world, the catastrophic sinking of an unsinkable entity.
Something’s up. And deep down, where the body meets the soul, we
are fearful. We fear, down so deep it hasn’t even risen to the point
of articulation, that with all our comforts and amusements, with all
our toys and bells and whistles . . . we wonder if what we really
have is . . . a first-class stateroom on the Titanic.
Everything’s wonderful, but a world is ending and we sense it.
I don’t mean “Uh-oh, there’s a depression coming”, I mean “We
live in a world of three billion men and hundreds of thousands of
nuclear bombs, missiles, warheads; it’s a world of extraordinary
germs that can be harnessed and used to kill whole populations, a
world of extraordinary chemicals that can be harnessed and used to
do the same.”
Three billion men, and it takes only half a dozen bright and evil
ones to harness and deploy.
What are the odds it will happen? Put it another way: what are
the odds it will not? Low. Non-existent, I think.
When you consider who is gifted and crazed with rage . . . when
you think of the terrorist places and the terrorist countries . . .
who do they hate most? The Great Satan, the United States. What is
its most important place? Some would say Washington. I would say the
great city of the United States is the great city of the world, the
dense, ten-mile-long island called Manhattan, where the economic and
media power of the nation resides, the city that is the
psychological centre of our modernity, our hedonism, our creativity,
our hardshouldered hipness, our unthinking arrogance.
If someone does the big, terrible thing to New York or
Washington, there will be a lot of chaos and a lot of lines going
down, a lot of damage, and a lot of things won’t be working so well
any more. And thus a lot more . . . time. Something tells me we
won’t be teleconferencing and faxing about the Ford account for a
while.
The psychic blow — and that is what it will be as people absorb
it, a blow, an insult that reorders and changes — will shift our
perspective and priorities, dramatically, and for longer than a
while. Something tells me more of us will be praying, and hard, one
side-benefit of which is that there is sometimes a quality of
stopped time when you pray. You get outside time.
Maybe, of course, I’m wrong. But I think of the friend who lives
on Park Avenue who turned to me once and said, out of nowhere: “If
ever something bad is going to happen to the city, I pray each day
that God will give me a sign. That He will let me see a rat stand up
on the sidewalk. So I’ll know to gather the kids and go.” I absorbed
this and, two years later, just a month ago, poured out my fears to
a former high official of the United States Government. His face
turned grim. I apologised for being morbid. He said no, he thinks
the same thing. He thinks it will happen in the next year and a
half. I was surprised, and more surprised when he said that an
acquaintance, a former arms expert for another country, thinks that
it will happen in a matter of months.
So now I have frightened you. But we must not sit around and be
depressed. “Don’t cry,” Jimmy Cagney once said. “There’s enough
water in the goulash already.”
We must take the time to do some things. We must press government
officials to face the big, terrible thing. They know it could happen
tomorrow; they just haven’t focused on it because there’s no
Armageddon constituency. We should press for more from our foreign
intelligence and defence systems, and press local, state and federal
leaders to become more serious about civil defence and emergency
management.
The other thing we must do is the most important.
I once talked to a man who had a friend who had done something
that took his breath away. She was single, middle-aged and middle
class, and wanted to find a child to love. She searched the
orphanages of South America and took the child who was in the most
trouble, sick and emotionally unwell. She took the little girl home
and loved her hard, and in time the little girl grew and became
strong, became, in fact, the kind of person who could and did help
others. Twelve years later, at the girl’s high-school graduation,
she won the award for best all-round student. She played the piano
for the recessional. Now she’s at college.
The man’s eyes grew moist. He had just been to the graduation.
“These are the things that stay God’s hand,” he told me. I didn’t
know what that meant. He explained: these are the things that keep
God from letting us kill us all.
So be good. Do good. Stay His hand. And pray. When the Virgin
Mary makes her visitations — she has never made so many in all of
recorded history as she has in this century — she says: Pray! Pray
unceasingly! I myself don’t, but I think about it a lot and
sometimes pray when I think. But you don’t have to be Roman Catholic
to take this advice. Pray. Unceasingly. Take the
time.